Envisager l'avenir - Look Into The Future

P.S I always wish that I could have this type of life but I never think of how I could make it happen and make it the best memories that I could ever have while i'm with my buddies and my loved ones....It's always so hard to get it but i'm sure that it will all change soon....FREEDOM LIFE AWAITS ME NOT FAR FROM NOW.....I do believe so . .

Im closing the windowIm closing the doorI lay in my bedand Im feeling so soreIm feeling so sadIm feeling so blandscratching my nailsin the palm of my handfeeling such anguishthat I cannot bareand my palms nearly bleedyet Im so unawarelike I try to ignoreall the pain that I feeltrying to livein a world so surrealbut this is too realI cant be so blindcuz theres tears on my pillowand tears in my mindas Im crying myself to sleepI turn off the lampand Im drifting to sleepon my pillow so damp

Wanting, hatingEverythingNeeding, showingAll withinTempting, pullingYou to meI want to seeWhat we can doTake me closeTo your sidePull me inConsume my soulLet me goI'll lose controlFulfilling allYou need insideLeaving nothingLeft undone

How can one person seem so different from one minute to the next?Theres nothing there but a change of mindA slip of confidenceAn evil little trick played by the selfLike a mirage on the road aheadOne minute its thereAnd the next it disappearsWith a single smile and poisethe world doesnt seem so big at allNothings going to bring down this highNot even a second look, later its all goneAll thats left is disgust and hateIs this the works of someone else?Have they changed all visions of reality?With a single glance everything changes.The image is distorted

Perhaps this is meditationmy one true escapemy hero who saves mein his long, dark capetaking me up withmy own true wordsand let me fly justas high as all birdsDont let me fallwhen I feel so securefor I really screwed upnow, its just a blurI blush and turn sucha true color of redwhen others see what Im doing insteadam I to be so afraid of my poems?For what would reallyhappen if I should show em?Nothing- for no onereally understands meso sure, what the hellI’ll let them all see.

Its killing me,tearing in my eyesthe thought of you leavingcompletely gone from my lifeso much of my parta bone in my ribwithout you I dont know what to expectmaybe Ill go insaneor just truly hide in myselfnever wanting to get close enoughfor fear of what may comedieing in memoriesbut not in my heartI dont want to lose youyou mean so muchI cant stand these things I am hearingeach passing day getting worstI want it to go backto when things were fineI go through the daysplaying strong once againnever letting a frown,run across this face of mineits eating me upbreaking my heartdieing in terrorof what is to comehow can this happen?What did I do to deserve such a loss?I cant believe this is endingI am begging to not come trueI would be lost without you

She's so cold, they say,just look into her eyes.She's gone numb,from endless streams of lies.She can't love, they say,unless her legs are spread.She gets them drunk,and then fucks with their heads.She lives alone, they say,unwanted, alone, and abused.She'll die alone,broken, mistreated,and misused.She gives herself to anyone who'll care,believes their lies, and loves them.If she dares.I feel betrayedI feel kind of lostI feel as if I've paid some costA price unworthy of your "love"That seemed to have come from above.What a lie,But why should I cry?Just because our fake love will dieI should have known you'd do me wrongBut I'm okay.I'll stay strong.

As I stare at youAsleep in your cribI realizeIf it wasnt for youId be out of hereOut of townOut of lifeIts far too muchOf a hassleBut for youBecause of youI will suffer it allDie a thousand deathsEat lifes shitAnd paint on a smileAnd suffer it allSuffer it allI will waitUntil youve grownTo be freeFree to leaveFree to die

Im still here becauseIve got nothing else to doYoure an assholeBut Im getting used to youI like the fact thatYou talk incessantlyI got a thing for assholesWho tell good storiesI think that complainingIs the only thing you do rightYoure gonna self-destructI think thats what I likeYou like me so you tryAnd make me feel like shitI think it's kind of funny yeahI kind of enjoy itYou try to tell me somethingAbout the way you liveLike you would give me so muchIf you had something to giveFor all your talkYou dont say much thats realI think I know more than youAbout the way that you feelIm still hereCause I got nothing else to doYoure an asshole butIm getting used to you

Feeling empty inside of meI sit here and waitFor what Im unsureIts just what I doContemplating everythingSecond-guessing every moveWas I wrong?Was I right?In the end,does it matter?By your side I long to beClose to you is what I craveNot knowing nowIf you want the sameQuestions unaskedRemain unansweredWill they be asked?Will they be answered?In the end,does it matter?The fact remainsJust as it isIm scared to deathto know the truthand see it throughwhat we could haveWill I screw up?Will you leave?In the end,does it matter?

Darkness waitsSecrets lingerNever knowingWhat lies aheadContinuous searchFor my sanityLost somewhereNot close to hereWas it ever even mineI lookTo find nothingOnly moreOf the sameUnknown thingsI've seen before

i need this release.i need to be set free.with the cut of a knife.i could be alive againa simple slash.nothing deep.just a simple needone need i can not share.no one can knowand the need is growing stronger all the longerfor the first time in years.i felt alive.myself once again.with the gentle touch of a bladea need i must fulfill before it grows too strong

I cant believe you havent realized yetI thought you would have knewBy the way I talk and actThe way I act around youI havent made it too hard to pickbut still you dont have a cluebut although I make it obviousit would be terrible if you knewWhen we fight I cry afterwardsI always want to be your friendbut then I realize everythingeventually comes to an endI try and try to release these feelingsbut they just wont go awayI only have one thing to tell youListen to what I dont say

Little Randi cries out her eyes,She just can't deal with any more lies.Her ex came running with excuses galoreShe didn't know if she could take anymore.He dragged it on and tore her heartEvery time that they were apart.Is it love, is it lust?Blow away the early dust.Take a look, so deep withinHow long until Randi gives in?

Fuck those who've hurt me,Skip those who've triedI can't stand them.Let them die.I've experienced so much pain,for my young age,I can't stand my mind.It's full of nefarious memories.They're letting that ass walk free,Even after what he's done to me,and I can't take the hurt.That he's left within my soul.He deserves to die,but his fate is not mine to decide,He'll get what's coming to him.I bet it won't be pleasant.Maim the bastard who stole my happiness,and crushed it in his clenched fist,Make him experience foul displeasure.For I will seek vengeance otherwise.Punish those who put others in misery,then award those who make everyone happy,Have everyone share their pain.For maybe then;people will understandwhat they're doing to one another.So much hatred swims through me,and it depresses me so deeply,But there's only one who understands(or seems to)only one who cares, like no other.No matter what was done,No matter what was said,He kept hurting me.And so had everyone (almost) else.Why am I the target of bitterness,why must it be me?Can it not be someone else?Im fine on my ownIve got enough friendsEnough damn enemiesYou only add to the problemsNot helping at allAre you so stupid?That you really cant seeYou blame everyone elseWhen its really youIve made my mistakesThose were my faultBut this obsession of yoursIs all yours to controlTheres something so wrongWith the way that you feelManipulating to get what you wantTo get those to back youThe whole story isnt toldMy side is forgottenMy feelings are dismissedNobody knows the way that I feelThey only hear the wrong Ive doneTheres worse that I could doIll never be perfectIll sure as hell never be youYou’re act is so clearThe real you is obviousThe front you put onAs only concernedWe all see through youAnd whats really going onOpen your eyesQuit preaching to meOpen The BookAnd read for yourselfStop reading for meI can do that myselfIve got my own relationshipIts not like yoursIts my very ownNot what you wantThat doesnt make it wrongJust opposite of yoursIll never condemnOr judge those I loveI cant do thatKnowing I might failWhere do you get offMaking decisionsWho is a ChristianAnd who is worthyNone of us deserveAnything were givenWe havent earned God’s loveTheres no way we canHes given it freelyFor all to graspWhat right do you haveTo take that awayIm tired of your judgmentIm sick of your putdownsTalking to those who know nothingListening to mindless chatterThe gossip you hearNot from the sourceMaybe its trueOr could be more liesYoull never know thoughIt has nothing to do with youIll say it againStay the fuck out of my business

Fighting for lifeMy right to be meChanging myselfTo fit what I wantSeparate from youI'm now on my ownMistakes I will makeAre all mine nowNo longer a reflectionOf who you areYou've surrenderedYour chanceTo mold me to youYou're not my mentorOr even looked up toYour pettiness showsIn every action you've taken